bee vs. diaz



i came across an old script submission for a pilot of PX This: The Series. ha ha ha ha hah ohh my how far we’ve come. i must admit this one is pretty hilarious though. maybe we will save it for further down the road. way way way way further down the road.


remember when New York magazine was the first to announce the coming of PX This? i kinda wonder why they decided to place a fucked-up PX This logo alongside Samantha Bee rather than the photograph of "me" (which was the only one circulating the Internets at the time). they made it look as though Sam Bee was involved with PX This, rather than Bee vs Diaz, which i’m pretty sure placing that picture above the passage is really supposed to depict.

but whatever.




Author WENDE (“Wendy”) DE LOS REYES sits at a display table, signing copies of her best-seller, PX This. She is a super-hot filipina, 32 (looks more like 22). The majority of autograph-seekers are fat baldies. A baldie approaches the desk and hands his book to Wende.

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px this to ________, __________
2:55 PM (23 hours ago)


well it has taken me all these days to muster up the energy to respond to this email, and even after spending a long weekend in the sun, sand, and ocean, i still don’t have any. 

but okay, this is what i think

– it sucks.

– the last time i heard a producer/actor say this project will be delayed "for a couple months" to go off somewhere and do a theatre play, it was 2008.

– in that interim of "a couple months" i also lost a DP and then two writers. and then a second producer and a second DP. and now apparently a third producer and lead actor. so it’s almost laughable this idea that a cast/crew assembled in April will still be available in June.

– like e.g., _________ is not going to audition for the next few months? i am so shur.

– _________ will ________ in the Spring. by June it will only be available overnight for shooting, not mornings and early afternoons.

– sorry but i must say this is really starting to irritate the ever living shit out of me.

congratulations, bon voyage, and break a leg.


p.s. and if you think it makes me happy that you got a role someplace else with my fucking haircut, oh it so does not.


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