remember when i said i came across an old script submission for a pilot of PX This: The Series? ha ha ahaa wasn’t that hilarious. so in honor of all the crazy restauranty drama going on this week (if you have to ask, you’re better off reading PX Me: The Sequel to PX This – coming soon!) here is more of that awesome pilot submission.
mind you, this is just one person’s interpretation cobbled together from both the narratives in PX This and "The Ministry of Speed," as well as from just knowing me in person. this writer has never met the characters depicted in either of my works, nor does he have any knowledge/information about the New York Fine Dining industry other than what he has gleaned from PX This and his own wildly vivid imagination.
ha ha ha ha haah i’m just sayin.
… CONTINUED FROM: PX This – Series Pilot Original, PART I
Ext. Murder Kitchen Restaurant Side Alley — Afternoon (Flashback)
It was back when I was running shit at
Murder Kitchen. I had to come in early because, as usual,
we were hiring and I was supposed to interview the new girl.
Wende parks her motorbike in a loading zone. BOBBY MUNZO, good-looking restaurant security guy, steps up.
Can’t park here.
Yes, I can. I park here every day.
You have to move it.
Another security guy appears. Wende takes off her leather jacket to reveal an attractive dress.
Hey Wende, smoking dress. Is that one of yours?
Yep, a Wende original. Tell this new guy that I’m okay.
You can’t park here.
She’s alright Munzo.
I’ll keep an eye on it for you.
Int. Murder Kitchen Restaurant — Afternoon (Flashback)
Wende stands at the front entrance of the restaurant, tidying up. A super-hot-young-slutty-model-type, SALADA, approaches the podium.
I’m here to see Etienne.
For the hostess job? No, you’re here to see
me. Is that your resume?
Well, I was told to give this to Etienne.
Wende reaches for the piece of paper, but Salada clutches it to her chest. Wende grabs it anyway.
CUT To: Close-up of Salada’s resume. At the top of the page it says SALADA’S RESUME. Underneath the title it is just a nude picture of Salada straddling a motorbike.
BACK TO MAIN ACTION
Just then, ETIENNE BAPTISTE, approaches. He is the 44-year-old French "rock star chef" at Murder Kitchen and the big name behind the very successful Baptiste Worldwide corporation.
(grabbing Salada’s resume from Wende)
Is this the new girl?
No, Etienne, she was just leaving.
(looking at Salada’s resume)
Impressive. Come. I want you to meet some people.
Wende rolls her eyes.
INT. BIG WHEELER’S OFFICE — DAY
Back in present day.
When do we get to the celebrity bang bus?
Calm down, this is where it starts getting juicy.
INT. MURDER KITCHEN RESTAURANT — Afternoon (FLASHBACK)
Salada now sits at a booth with Etienne and LANA STEIN. Lana, 38, is a super c*nt bitch, ex-girlfriend of Etienne, incompetent general manager of Murder Kitchen, and somehow still climbing the ranks within Baptiste Worldwide corporation.
So you’ve never worked in the business before?
No, but I’m very pretty.
Lana shoots a knowing look to Etienne.
Not to worry. I’m sure Wende can fill you in on how
things work around here. You can start tonight. We’re just
getting ready for dinner service now.
We see Wende listening in from a few tables away. A bartender slinks by … he nods to the coat room where we see two waiters downing shots. Wende winks at him.
Lana leaves Etienne and Salada alone. Etienne slides under the table and Salada’s eyes pop.
We now follow Wende as she makes a beeline for the coat room. A phone in her pocket RINGS.
Oh, hi Ana. No, he’s searing some tuna. Can I take a message?
Oh snap, hold on. I’ll see if I can pull his head out of the
oven, he probably should hear this.
Wende runs over to Etienne’s table and lifts up the table cloth. We see Etienne going to work on Salada under the table. Wende shoves the phone at him….
TO BE CONTINUED…
ha ha ha ha ahaa haah "searing some tuna."