dress: Geld Iaz, 2012

 

From: abbe diaz

Subject: hola

To: ______@gmail.com

 

i am throwing a major diva tantrum? by asking exactly how YOU would like to handle this situation? how dare you.

after you have failed to pay me at all and fully admit you are holding the payment hostage for a dress you specified is perfectly fine, unless you get what you want on the other two?

you were waiting for me to “reassure” you before you pay me? why should i? as far as i’m concerned i completely held up my end of the bargain, and not only did i do so, i went completely out of my way and bent over backward to do so, entirely at your request and convenience. i don’t owe you anything. as a matter of fact, i’m a few hundred in the hole for the expenses of this job.

yet despite my stellar track record in satisfying you all these years, i have to grovel to get payment for something i delivered in advance by “reassuring” YOU?

and now i am supposed to still wait until you “get around to it” ?

your vivid imagination about the sales/alteration policies of Gucci/Dior/H&M is hilarious, because i can tell you for a fact they won’t even fix the defective zipper on an $1800 handbag. but i’d love to see you walk into a store:
“hi, i took these three garments out of your store two months ago without paying for them. i totally intend to pay you whenever i damned well feel like it, but in the meantime could you reassure me that you can alter two of those designs into two different designs instead, even though they’re fine, no wait they don’t fit right, no wait they’re just not my cup of tea— cuz i just don’t think i’ll pay for any of them at all if you can’t. oh, and without attitude, okay?” TRY IT.

RETURN THOSE DRESSES IMMEDIATELY.

you have had several weeks past the delivery date and over a week past the extended payment date i granted as a favor to you. if i do not receive official notification that those dresses (in a reasonably similar condition as i sent them to you) are en route to me and/or the payment for goods you intend to keep immediately, i will file a small claims suit for the the total amount plus a late fee plus legal expenses, and you can deal with the default judgment and its presence on your record for whenever you return to the US. i will then reassign the judgment to a collection agency with international branches, and then you can contend with them in the UK too.

you have taken advantage of the special provisions i extend to you and NO ONE ELSE. NOBODY would deliver goods without payment up front first, and you have the unmitigated gall to tell me i am throwing a tantrum and being obnoxious by expressing my concerns about non-payment yet still asking what more can be done for you?

you have until the end of ________ to comply.

aside from a tracking number for my goods or bank confirmation of payment, you needn’t reply to this email. but feel free to forward any more of your insulting nonsensical ramblings to my attorney, _______ at ___ Madison Ave, NYC.